Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Will She be Able to Attract an Honorable Man?

Dear Aunt Dara,

I recently ended a 6-month, long distance courtship.  My boyfriend Jerry had known me for about a year before we met face-to-face.  He was a police officer and gave me legal advice when I had a stalker at school, and this enabled me to get help.  Afterward, he had been pretty protective of me.  At first he was wonderful, but when he got relaxed he began to show his veiled personality.  I ended the courtship because he was not choosing me over certain activities the family dropped on him 24 hours beforehand, so I felt as if I were taking second place against a family of 16 people.  Additionally, he started to become dismissive and never took me seriously.  I am hurt.  This was my first relationship and it lasted six months.  It ended as peacefully as it could, but left me hysterical for a while.  Mom said I shouldn’t talk to him at all, and she said he isn’t welcome at our home.  I still respect him.  I do not hate him nor dislike him.  I want to be with Jerry, but mom says that would be inappropriate.  However, I am scared nobody is ever going to look at me the same way.  Jerry was a first, but I am afraid guys will not like me the same way Jerry did.  I may have hugged Jerry, or rested my head on his shoulder during a movie, but we were never intimate physically.  I’ve never kissed a guy either.  The guys who came around before Jerry were too subtle on their intentions, and consequently they moved on because I remained oblivious.  Am I being unreasonable to think that I will be unnoticed by someone honorable?

Single Sophomore at 20

Dear Single Sophomore,

Since I do not know exactly what happened between you and Jerry that caused you to break up with him, I cannot say whether or not it would be appropriate for you to continue to be friends with him.  However, your mother must have very good reasons for not wanting you to talk to him and for him to not be welcome in your home.

As for whether or not other guys will look at you the same way Jerry did or whether or not you will be noticed by someone honorable, I can tell you that honorable men are attracted to women who love God, who have pure behaviors, and have the characteristics mentioned in Galatians 5:22-24 and 1 Peter 1:5-8.  An honorable man will be highly attracted to you if he recognizes your sincere love of God and sees these characteristics coupled with chaste behavior and good works.  So, I suggest that you concentrate in becoming attractive to God, and you will become attractive to the right type of man.

God bless,
Aunt Dara

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