Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Her Boyfriend Thinks that God Doesn’t Want Them to be Together

Dear Aunt Dara,

I was seeing a man for a little while; he was a man of God.  He went to Church 3-4 times a week.  He helped me change and look at things completely different - in a positive way.  When I met him, I was in a bad place mentally.  I had recently gotten out of an emotionally, verbally, mentally abusive relationship.  I was broken and ruined and then I meet this new man.  I'll call him “Joe.”  I feel like God put Joe in my life for a reason.  I don't think how we met was coincidence or perfect timing.  I truly believe that God put him in my life to help me heal, to better myself, to help put me on the right track and to be the person I was put on earth to be.  We got along great, but then one day, Joe sent me a message saying that God doesn't want us to be together anymore.  I was completely blindsided.  I was heartbroken and I still am a little bit.  I thought he was sent by God to help me, but not to be temporary.  It doesn't make sense.  Why God would do this; why He would let me meet this wonderful man who has helped me let my guard down, to believe in love again, yet tell that same person we aren't meant for each other?  I was just finally learning how to trust and believe in love again - then this happens.  I don't understand.  I asked him why.  I asked Joe what I did that caused him (or God) to no longer want to be in my life.  He said, "If God wants us to be together, He will give signs on us reconnecting."  Now here's why I'm a little confused:  All three of my ex-boyfriends have come back and asked for another chance, yet I don't think any of them were the one to spend my life with.  I know the devil sends us people to throw us off track, but I firmly believe Joe wasn't that.  I need some advice because I'm so confused and I honestly am heartbroken because Joe said he has strong feelings for me and wants to be with me, but God doesn't what him to be with me.  Why?  What kind of sign will we receive, or better yet, what kind of sign will Joe receive if I am meant for him?  How will I know if the next man I meet is "the one?"  I had two previous boyfriends that I believed were truly the one, yet they didn't work out either.  Please help me see the light which is dimming slowly.  Thank you and I appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

Totally Confused

Dear Totally Confused,

I can see that you are feeling very sad and confused, and that is quite understandable.  Joe’s behavior is confusing.  God’s behavior, however, is not.  God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).  God knows exactly what He is doing, and God does not make mistakes.  Humans do make mistakes, and one of the most common mistakes that we make is believing that God is directly sending us signs and messages.  Apparently, Joe believes that he has received a message from God regarding you, but many people have mistakenly believed that they were receiving messages from God and have made mistakes that they have long regretted because they followed what they believed was a message from God.  The Bible tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9).  The Bible tells us that in times past God spoke to individuals through various ways (such as directly, audibly, in dreams, in visions, through prophets, and other ways), but now He speaks to us through the words of Jesus and the Bible which is the inspired word of God (Hebrews 1:1-2, 2 Peter 1:21).  It’s very easy to misinterpret our own thoughts, feelings, or dreams as being messages from God, and just as easy to misinterpret events as being signs from God.  Despite what Joe says, he really has no way of knowing that God does not want you to be together, and it’s highly doubtful that God will send him or you a “sign” that you are meant for each other. 

Similarly, I think that it is a mistake to believe that God has chosen “the one” that we are meant to be with, as many Christians seem to believe.  Although that may be true in some circumstances (Isaac and Rebekah come to mind in Genesis chapter 24), that is certainly not the way it is for most, nor is this idea taught in Scripture.  God can bless any relationship between a Christian man and woman who seek the Lord first.  So, why did God bring Joe into your life?  For the reasons you mentioned:  to help you to heal and to help you believe in love again.  Joe was God’s gift to you for that purpose.  Maybe Joe will be in your life longer, and maybe not.  If not, then be assured that God will take care of you and bring another person into your life, if that is His will.  However, if someone is removed from your life, realize that it may be for the best and let him go.  Give this time.  If it is meant to be, it will be in the natural course of time—not because God sends him or you a message or a sign.

God bless,
Aunt Dara