Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Girlfriend Has Wandering Eye

Dear Aunt Dara,

I have been with a girl several months now, and she is very special to me.  We only see each other on weekends, and my problem is her wandering eye.  She feels a need to comment on the attractiveness of celebrities, talking about how cute they are, how great their bodies are, etc.  Anyway, this makes me very uncomfortable to say the least.  She says that it is no big deal because “she doesn’t have a shot with them” and they’re not regular people.  It’s probably my low self-esteem or something, but do you think this is okay?

Insecure in Louisville

Dear Insecure in Louisville,

It’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable when your girlfriend makes these comments.  Not many “regular” people can measure up to the ones that we see in movies, television, music videos, and magazines.  It seems that you have tried to address this with her, but she does not appear to understand why her comments bother you.  She seems to be trying to reassure you that you need not feel threatened by her comments.  However, does she know that her comments make you feel insecure?  If she understands that you feel uncomfortable, insecure, or whatever else (perhaps hurt or inadequate), she may be able to recognize that her comments are a big deal to you and she might stop saying such things about other guys. 

My guess is that you would like to have her assurance that she finds you attractive.  Few things attract a girl more than a guy who cares about her and treats her well.  So, what can you do to be more attractive to her?  Show her that you care.  Keep doing the things that you are doing to show her that she is very special to you.  Tell her how attractive you think she is, and she might return your compliments.  Remember, those celebrities are just images on paper or a flickering screen.  You are the living, breathing person in front of her.  She can hear your voice and touch you.  No picture can compete with that.

If I may, I’d like to say something regarding your low self-esteem, which you recognize may be contributing to your feeling uncomfortable with these comments.  The Apostle Paul said that we should not regard anyone from a worldly point of view (II Corinthians 5:16).  That includes ourselves.  From a worldly point of view, we see our faults and our inadequacies, and then we tend to feel bad about ourselves.  However, our worth is not determined by our physical appearance, our age, our gender, our race, our intelligence, our education, our socioeconomic status, or our behavior.  From God’s point of view, our worth comes from being a part of the human race, made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27) and declared “very good” by our Creator (Genesis 1:31).  Psalm 8 tells us how God feels about His human creation, and Psalm 139:1-18 tells us how God values us individually.  We have been wonderfully made and God knew us before we were born.  He fashioned us into how He wanted us to be (Isaiah 64:8) and His works are marvelous.  You are so valuable to God that Jesus died for you (John 3:16, Galatians 2:20), and God sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at you (II Corinthians 5:21).  God has adopted you as His son through Christ (Ephesians 1:5), and God loves His children more than anyone will ever be able to comprehend.  Every human life is valuable.  That includes you.

God bless,
Aunt Dara