My boyfriend and I
have been together for almost nine months, and I really hope he's the one I
marry. I love him so much. A few months ago, we lost our virginities to
each other, even though deep down I knew that's not what God wanted. A few days ago, we both agreed that we should
stop and wait until marriage before we do anymore. We both felt guilty about it, and we want to
do it the way God designed it. The only
thing is, we're afraid it's going to get boring or we're going to fizzle out
because we don't have that very intimate thing anymore since we already over
stepped that boundary. My question is,
should I be worried that things might fizzle because we don't have that
anymore? We both love each other a lot,
and have talked about getting married, but that won't be for five or six years
due to school. We've both been praying
about it individually and together. What
do you think we should do? Thank you so
much replying!
Sincerely,
Anxious College
Student
Dear Anxious College Student,
You ask if you should be worried if things might fizzle
because you do not have that intimacy anymore.
Perhaps you are asking the wrong question. Please allow me to explain. You and your boyfriend have already begun
having sexual relations with each other, and have continued to do so for a few months
despite knowing that it is wrong and having feelings of guilt. An agreement between the two of you to stop
is not likely to be successful.
Why? Once a couple begins having
sex, it’s nearly impossible to stop because sexual temptation is extremely
strong and Satan is just going to increase temptation when he sees you are trying
to do the right thing. He will even try
to trick you into believing that it is okay and you may start looking for
excuses to justify it. My prediction is
that you and your boyfriend will not be able to deny your sexual urges for five
or six years until you marry. You will
either give in to temptation and continue to sin, or the two of you will find
yourselves so sexually frustrated that it will eventually destroy your
relationship. So, the question to ask
is, “How can we handle this temptation?”
The apostle Paul addressed this very situation in 1
Corinthians 7:8-9 where he wrote, “But I say to the unmarried and to the
widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot
exercise self-control, let them marry.
For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” In other words, God’s answer for handling this
type of situation is marriage. When you
are married you may freely experience sex as God intended without sin and
without guilt. You are not the first
person to write to me in this same situation saying that you cannot marry at
this time for one reason or another (financial reasons, housing reasons,
educational reasons). I realize that
marriage would be a challenge for a couple who is still in school, but those
challenges will be manageable with the Lord’s help. If you are determined that marriage is not
possible for you at this time, then how can you and your boyfriend manage
intense sexual temptation for another five to six years? This is a serious matter because the Bible
makes it clear that continuing to practice sin places your eternal destiny in
jeopardy (Hebrews 13:4, Galatians 5:19-21, Revelation 21:8). So,
what can you do to not continue in your sin and hold off on having more sex
until after you are married? I offer the
following suggestions:
1.
Pray that God will help you bear temptation. (1 Corinthians 10:13, Hebrews 4:14-16)
2.
Avoid physical contact.
(1 Corinthians 7:1)
3.
If you find it difficult to avoid physical contact,
then physically separate yourselves for a time.
(1 Corinthians 6:18)
4.
If that is still unsuccessful, then avoid being alone
together.
However, I believe that it is better to follow Paul’s
instruction and get married now than to continue to be tempted and risk losing
your soul due to weakness of the flesh. Please let me know if this was helpful and I will continue
to keep you in my prayers.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
