Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Wondering when She will Meet her Future Husband

Dear Aunt Dara,

I am a young, single, Christian woman who is diligently seeking God.  I've gotten to the point in my walk with God that I crave worshiping and learning more about Him.  However, I wasn't always this way.  Tomorrow is my 31st birthday and I've been reflecting back on all that He has brought me through, as far as relationships go.  My last
serious relationship lasted 5 1/2 years.  I was engaged to be married but I broke it off.  I knew he wasn't the one that God has for me.  About a year and a half after our break-up, I began dating a young man whom I just absolutely had no doubt was my husband.  I found out on my 30th birthday that he said one thing with his actions toward me but meant the opposite in his feelings toward me.  He shattered my heart into pieces on my birthday.  I've since healed from that and here I am, one year later.  I've learned so much.  I learned how to do this whole relationship thing God's way, rather than my own.  I've immersed myself in the church.  I've acquired beautiful new friends who help make my life so rich and exciting!  I've been celibate for a year and I am committed to now saving myself for the man that God created me for.

I just know that now that I'm doing this right, God will reward me.  After all, He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Heb 11:6)!  I try to strive for obedience and righteousness in all I do.  However, I always find myself wondering.  I wonder who God has for me, what he looks like, when he's going to come and where I'll meet him.  I believe that God will send the man whom He has created me for but I can't stop wondering.  My mind drifts constantly.  At times, my imagination is on full force to the point where I feel I might ruin the surprise.  I feel like I thought of everything possible!  Sad, I know!  Sometimes my wondering leads me to loneliness.  I eventually snap out of it but this wondering wonderland is getting pretty old.  I've even asked God to take away my desire to get married if it burns in me more than my desire to seek Him.  So, my question is... Is it wrong to wonder?  Does it show lack of faith or does it help keep my hope alive?  Please advise.

Wonderland Resident

Dear Wonderland Resident,

First of all, happy birthday!  No, it doesn't show a lack of faith to wonder about your future and who God has in mind for you.  It's natural to look forward to the things you desire and to wait expectantly, wondering when the time will come.  There's a lovely verse in the Bible that says that God makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11), but the Bible also says that the secret things belong to God (Deuteronomy 29:29).  We can't know and aren't supposed to know our future and the plans that God has for us, but we know that God's plans for us are what will ultimately be best for us (Jeremiah
29:11).  However, the question to ask yourself is, "If the will of God is that I remain single for the rest of my life, can I be happy?"  Do you have to have a man to be happy, or can being loved by God and loving Him in return be enough for you?  Hopefully someday you will reach the point that you can honestly say, "God, your will be done.  If
you give me a husband, I will thank you and praise you, and if you do not give me a husband, I will thank you and praise you."  Let loving God become your quest, rather than seeking a man to love.  Then, when you least expect it, God will bring the right man into your life (if that is His will for you).  In the meantime, keep following God's direction (Proverbs. 3:6), but be careful that you don't mistake your own desires as God's leading.

Enjoy your birthday and don’t let the unpleasant memories of your last birthday spoil this one!

God Bless,
Aunt Dara