Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Their Life Core Values are not Aligned

Dear Aunt Dara,

I have been dating a guy for 6 months now.  He's kind, caring and fun.  We have quite a lot of interests in common and I enjoy spending time with him.  Lately, I have been feeling disappointed because our core values are not aligned.  I have been a Christian for years and I know biblically well what is right and what is wrong.  He's a Christian too, but not an avid one.  He told me that he lost his virginity in his past relationship and he had no regrets about it though he knows religiously it's wrong.  This bothers me much because as a Christian, I know premarital sex is not allowed.  He's a good man and I don't want to lose him but I'm confused if we really do share the same core values.  How should I get over this?


Dear Confused,

Since he says he has no regrets and he claims he knows "religiously it's wrong," that indicates that he has felt no godly sorrow for his sin (2 Corinthians 7:9-10) and therefore he has not repented.  Saying, “I know religiously it's wrong" is the same as saying, "I  know that other Christians think it's wrong, but I don't, and I'm not sorry."  The lack of repentance, lack of respect for the authority of God's word, and lack of sorrow for his disobedience to God is of an infinitely greater concern than the loss of his virginity.  It appears that he is a "Christian" in name only, and "not an avid one," as you said.  This is what Jesus has to say about that:  “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I could wish you were cold or hot.  So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:15-16).

As you said, he does not share your core values.  Until he starts showing evidence that he respects God's word and wants to obey what it says, I would be very hesitant to continue this relationship.

God Bless,
Aunt Dara