Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Family Members Did Not Receive Notice About Upcoming Wedding

Dear Aunt Dara,

I recently received an e-mailed invitation to "save the date" for my male cousin's second marriage ceremony.  This was followed shortly by a hard copy of the same invitation in the mail.  The concern I have is that neither of my parents received either the electronic version or mailed version of the "save the date" card (I live with my parents to help mom with her health needs).  My cousin and his fiancé came to our house for Thanksgiving this year and seemed to enjoy themselves.  There doesn't seem to be any reason they would exclude my parents intentionally, except I do know that they have very different political opinions, but these are rarely discussed.  Also, I do know that relations have been strained at times between my cousin and his father and other members of his immediate family. 

I really don't know whether to:

A. Assume that my cousin and/or his fiancé intended for me to share the information with my parents.  In this case I would just share the information with my parents and suggest that they prepare to attend.  But then if I'm wrong and they don't receive a wedding invitation, that could make matters worse.

B. Assume that they accidentally misplaced my parents e-mail address and/or card.  In this case, should I gently bring it to their attention somehow?

C. Assume that they intentionally did not send the card to my parents.  In this case, I'm not sure I would feel comfortable attending the wedding, depending on the reason.

I'm afraid to just wait and see if my parents receive a wedding invitation.  It is a long distance trip and we would all need to begin saving and making arrangements very soon.  I'm hoping that this is just some kind of miscommunication or misunderstanding, and being the one who received the card, I feel very uncomfortable not knowing how to handle the situation.

Confused Cousin

Dear Confused Cousin,

I can see how you would be confused because the situation is unclear.  Since there doesn't seem to be any reason they would intentionally not  invite your parents, perhaps they want a small wedding and have decided to limit their wedding guests due to the cost involved in having several guests. Or possibly your cousin did intend to invite your parents and the invitation hasn't come yet for the reasons that you suggest. The only thing that is clear, however, is that you don't know the reason your parents have not been invited yet. You should not assume anything. The best thing to do is to send your cousin a note informing him that your parents have not received an invitation yet, and ask if they plan to invite your parents to the wedding. That should help to clear the confusion.

God bless,
Aunt Dara

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