Integrating Compassion with the Wisdom of God’s Word


The purpose of Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column is to glorify God by addressing human needs with compassion and the wisdom of God’s word.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Marriage would be an Unequal Yoke

Dear Aunt Dara, 

I hope you can maybe help with a question.  I think I’m grasping at straws, but here goes.  I’m a 48-yr-old woman who has been in a relationship with my partner (unbeliever) 5 years now.  I got saved in July.  I thought maybe it wouldn’t make a difference to us since I’d been with him when I met the Lord and we could just get married, and we would be okay as long as he didn’t hinder my walk with the Lord.  But the Lord has put this on my heart and I’ve asked for answers, and what I’m getting is the marriage would be wrong, the unequal yoke, etc.  I have told him I don’t think I can be with him any longer due to what I’m reading in the Bible, but he doesn’t understand and my heart is broken because I love him.  Also I feel terrible guilt for breaking his heart.  I’m hoping and praying all the time.  Please help. 

God bless,
Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

What exactly does “in a relationship with a partner” mean?  Are you living together?  Are you having sexual relations with each other?

Giving your life to Jesus will always involve making a difference in your life.  No relationship can be the same, because you are not the same (I Corinthians 6:18-20, 
II Corinthians 5:17).  A Christian wife’s walk with the Lord will always be hindered by an unbelieving husband.  That does not mean that a woman cannot live a Christian life if her husband is an unbeliever—it just means that her service to the Lord will be limited due to being pulled in two directions (trying to do what God wants her to do, yet trying to be submissive to an unbelieving husband who likely will not be fully supportive of her service to God.)  However, rather than concentrating on marriage as the solution to your current situation and questioning if it would be okay to marry an unbeliever, perhaps you should be focusing on converting your partner to Christ.  After all, you love him.  Surely, you want him to be saved.  To convert him to Christ, you must set an example of Christ-like behavior.  That means repenting of any sins that you may be practicing and living your life according to God’s word.  This means that if you are having sexual relations with him, you must stop.  Explain to him that you can no longer have sex outside of marriage because it is sin.  But do this carefully so that he recognizes that you are rejecting a sinful lifestyle, but not rejecting him.  He may not understand at first, but as you continue to live a pure life, he may come to realize that your faith is genuine.  However, if he does not  support your decision to live a pure life, or if he demands that you make a choice between him and the Lord, then trust that God has a good plan for your life, whether it includes this man or not.

God bless,
Aunt Dara

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