Dear Aunt Dara,
I broke up with my boyfriend on February 1st. We had been seeing each other for three years, but he was not ready to consider marriage. He was always jealous and suspicious because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him. I couldn’t speak to another man without his making a big deal out of it and questioning me endlessly. Finally, I had enough when he accused me falsely of seeing a male co-worker after work. (I had actually gone to the mall to find some new shoes, but unfortunately I didn’t buy anything to prove my whereabouts.) We had a nasty argument. I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore, but I instantly regretted it because I still loved him. Afterward, he kept sending me messages saying that he loved me and wanted me back, but I didn’t answer any of his messages because I thought my silence would shake him up and teach him a lesson. However, he was killed in an automobile accident on February 5th. It’s been over a month, but I can’t stop crying. My only comfort is knowing that he was a Christian and that I will see him again someday. In the meantime, I feel so guilty and lost. He died thinking that I didn’t love him anymore. I wish I could go back and tell him that I love him, and that I’ve always loved only him. How do I tell him that I’m sorry? How do I forgive myself for hurting him so badly?
Alone and heartbroken
Dear Alone and Heartbroken,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know you must be devastated by what has happened. There are no words that can adequately soothe the pain that you feel at this time, but I will try to soften it some. According to the fifth chapter of II Corinthians, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Believe and trust that your boyfriend is with Jesus. Please allow the One whose arms are around your boyfriend to comfort you.
You may not be able to tell your boyfriend directly that you love him and you are sorry for hurting him, but there is a way that he can know it. You can write all your thoughts and feelings in a letter addressed to him. Be sure that you say everything in the letter that you want him to know. This may hurt a lot, but that is natural and to be expected. After you have finished writing the letter, pray and ask God to tell him what is in your letter. Know and trust that God is faithful and will deliver your message; then trust that your boyfriend, who still loves you, understands and forgives.
I hope this helps. Please be assured that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and let me know if you need anything else.