Should She Go Back to Her Ex-Husband?

 Dear Aunt Dara,

I was baptized as a teenager and attended church regularly for a time.  I became involved with an older crowd and stopped going to church, although I was still a believer.  At age 20 I married a man 10 years older than myself.  He’s an atheist.  I allowed him to use logic to convince me not to believe.  We were married for 31 years.  There were lots of problems in our marriage (he’s an alcoholic, we went bankrupt, he put his friends ahead of me, etc.), but he was always faithful to me.  I returned to church and he was supportive of it but would not attend with me.  Then a few years ago, only a few months after I had begun regular church attendance, an old flame from high school looked me up and contacted me.  He said he had loved me ever since high school.  He’s a Christian and even has a pastoral credential.  I began to believe that God had sent this man to rescue me from my unhappy marriage.  We had an affair.  I moved out and divorced my husband.

The relationship with the old flame was tumultuous, to say the least and I’ve finally ended it for good.  My ex-husband still wants me back.  I am committed to living as a Christian and doing God’s will.  I have prayed about this but I don’t have anyone I can talk to about it.  We have two grown children.  Our daughter does NOT want us to get back together.  Our son is indifferent.  How can I know God’s will?  What is the right thing to do?  Do I go back to my ex-husband even though he’s an atheist, or do I try to find a Christian man?  Please help!  Thank you.

Seeking God’s will 

Dear Seeking, 

First of all, I would like to commend you for ending the relationship with your old flame and for your desire to do what the Lord would have you to do.  You ask if you should go back to your ex-husband who is an atheist, who is an alcoholic, who drew you away from God previously, but yet he was your husband for 31 years, he is the father of your children, and he is willing to forgive you for your unfaithfulness and take you back.  I am sure that you would get all kinds of opinions about this, but ultimately it is your decision.  Nobody can tell you if you should go back to him or not, including me.  However, I can give you some scriptures that may help you to make a wise decision.  Please read the 7^th chapter of First Corinthians, and pay particular attention to verses 10 and 11.  Notice that the Lord gives you two choices in verse 11, but getting involved with another man is not one of them.  Also refer to Mark 10:2-12, 1 Peter 3:1-6, and 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

Regardless of what you decide regarding reuniting with him, God wants you to be faithful to Him and He wants your husband to believe and have a saving faith in Him (Hebrews 11:6 and 2 Peter 3:9).  Therefore your primary goal should be to increase your own resolve to remain faithful to the Lord and focus on bringing your husband to believe in God.  Learning what the Bible says through hearing, reading and studying it, is the best way to increase one’s faith and promote belief in God (Romans 10:13-17), but since your husband will not attend church he may be unlikely to study the Bible with you or read it for himself.  Therefore, I consulted with a preacher friend of mine who recommended books written by an atheist who set out to disprove the existence of God but in the process he became a believer.  The books are The Case for a Creator: A Journalist Investigates Scientific Evidence That Points Toward God and The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel.  Mr. Strobel is a journalist for the Chicago Tribune, and he has written other books, among which are The Case for Faith, The Case for Christianity and The Case for Easter (about the resurrection).  I have not read any of these books, and I am usually very hesitant to recommend anything that I have not read personally, but I respect this preacher’s opinion.

Please keep in mind that becoming a Christian and sincerely following Christ is the best way to improve a marriage and to help a person to overcome problems, so things should start to get better if your husband becomes a believer.  I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.  Please let me know if this was helpful.

God bless,

Aunt Dara