I’m currently going through a lot. I’m a Christian girl and I’m trying to be a good Samaritan and offer help where needed as well as be patient and slow to anger like Jesus, but my patience is running thin. I live alone, in a nice but small 2-bedroom apartment downtown. When a Christian girl from church really needed a place to stay about 6 months ago, someone asked if I could host her and I agreed to do it. I’ve had a lot of issues since. She stopped paying me rent 3 months ago. She uses all my stuff and lies to people by telling them that it’s hers. She has started a business in my house which involves clients, and so I can’t be around when she’s working. I’m a student and I have been inconvenienced when I need to study countless times. Now she has allowed her friend to move into my apartment because she says her friend’s lease is done and she needs a place to stay. Her friend isn’t paying me rent either. Also, her sister and brother have been sleeping over. I’ve had to sleep at a friend’s house because of the inconvenience only to come home and see someone slept in my bed and left makeup all over my pillow. There’s many more things, but this is a summary. She is not on the lease, she hasn’t paid me rent for 3 months, and she still feels entitled.
I really want to talk to her, but I also don’t want her to think I’m a terrible person and I’m kicking her out, meaning she and her friend will be homeless. Also if I kick her out her business would have to stop since it’s based in my house. I don’t know what to do. I get irritated frequently and I still haven’t said a word to her. I just pray. I make slight comments like, “Why is there makeup on my pillow?” Please help me. Where do Christians draw the line between helping people and being taken advantage of?
Sincerely,
Free Bed and Breakfast
Dear Free Bed and Breakfast,
First of all, I would highly
recommend that you read my post “Must a Christian Help Everyone Who Asks for
Assistance?” published on October 24, 2017 that deals with a very similar
issue. You may access it at https://askauntdara.blogspot.com/2017/10/. This is a summation of the major points in
that post:
1.
The Bible instructs us to be temperate in all things (1
Corinthians 9:25, 1 Timothy 3:11), which means to show moderation, to have
self-restraint, and to do things within a reasonable limit.
2.
We need to do good works within a reasonable limit, and
the Bible warns us that we will destroy ourselves if we do not (Ecclesiastes
7:15-16).
3.
Christians are to follow Jesus’ example and do good to
others (Acts 10:38, Galatians 6:10).
4.
Jesus set an example of taking frequent breaks from
helping others so that He could meet His own needs (Luke 5:15-16). He did not allow other people’s needs to
cause Him to neglect His own needs.
5.
Jesus recognized when people were trying to take
advantage of Him and did not give them what they wanted (John 6:22-27).
6.
Jesus did not always respond to requests and He set
conditions for the people He helped (Matthew 15:21-28).
7.
God does not always give us what we ask for in prayer
and sets conditions for His blessings (John 9:31, James 1:5-8, James 4:3, 2
Corinthians 12:7-9).
8.
Therefore, if God can deny requests and set limits and
conditions for what He does for people, then we can do the same. You have the right to set appropriate limits
and conditions with others, and you have the right to turn down requests.
9.
Helping means that you render assistance, and inherent
in this definition is the understanding that such aid is temporary until the
person no longer needs assistance (2 Corinthians 8:11-14).
10. If
the person is not moving toward gaining independence, you are not helping them,
you are fostering dependency. In other
words, you are enabling them. God
expects people to provide for their own needs and not become dependent on
others (2 Thessalonians 3:10, Ephesians 4:28).
Now, to address your specific
situation. As I read what you’ve
written, my major concern is what possible negative consequences that this
situation may have on you. You said that
this person is not on the lease. You
said that she has started a business in your apartment which involves having
clients in the apartment. She has
allowed another person to move into the apartment, and she has two other
regular overnight guests. Here’s my
concern: Most leases spell out
specifically the terms and conditions of your rental. Most leases forbid subletting to another
resident. (Subletting means that you
rent out part of the apartment to someone else.) Most leases forbid having additional persons
living there who are not named on the lease.
Most leases also forbid operating a business from the premises. What does your lease say? Does your landlord know what is happening in
this apartment? I do not know the
housing laws where you live.
Furthermore, I am not an attorney and I cannot give legal advice, but my
major concern is that you have placed yourself in jeopardy of eviction. Therefore, my best advice to you is to read
your lease carefully and consult an attorney for what actions you can legally
take to evict these people who have taken up residence in your apartment. Most attorneys do not charge anything for an
initial consultation. Ideally, this
situation should have been prevented in the beginning by not allowing this
person to move in. The one who asked you
to allow this person to move in with you overstepped a boundary. You were not under any Christian obligation
to provide housing for this person, and you had a right to say no. Furthermore, you are not a “terrible person”
for kicking these people out. You are
not running a free bed and breakfast.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
