She Lost a Friend over Differing Opinions

Dear Aunt Dara,

I am confused about the behavior of one of my friends.  She teaches a ladies’ Bible class at a church where I was a member for almost a year.  She frequently describes herself as a devout Christian and a godly woman.  She says she has superior Bible knowledge, and the ladies in her class admire her and look up to her for advice and guidance on how to be a godly woman.  She and I had become good friends.  We both liked to cook and exchange recipes, and we went on shopping trips together.  I never hesitated to discuss my problems with her and I valued her input.  Then things changed about three months ago when she said during one of her classes that it is sinful for Christians to participate in politics in any way.  She said we are citizens of heaven and we must be separate from the world and not have anything to do with anything remotely patriotic or political.  She had some very harsh things to say about Christians who vote in elections.  (My grandfather was a state senator back in the 1960s and I was raised to believe that it is our Christian duty to elect representatives who respect Christian values and who will enact laws that honor God.)  Since open discussion is encouraged in her class, I spoke up and said that I disagree with her and I explained why.  She just turned her head away from me and continued to talk against Christians having any kind of political involvement.  A week later, I moved 90 miles away to begin a new job.  I tried to keep in contact with her through Facebook Messenger, but she never replied to any of my messages and she stopped liking and commenting on my Facebook posts. 

Two weeks ago, I went back to that church and attended her class.  She totally ignored me.  She never even looked in my direction.  I was so hurt that I just left without trying to talk to her.  When I got home, I messaged her and asked her why she has been ignoring me.  She replied that I was disrespectful to her when I disagreed with her on politics.  I responded back that I don’t recall saying anything that was disrespectful to her, and she replied, “That’s what they all say,” and then she blocked me.  She blocked me!  I don’t get it.  Is it disrespectful to express a different opinion or to disagree with a Bible teacher?  How can a mature, devout, godly Christian with superior Bible knowledge just cut off another Christian for seeing things differently?  And why did she just cut off communication with me instead of discussing it with me?   

Hurt and Confused 

Dear Hurt and Confused, 

I can see how you could be confused about her behavior and I understand how much the loss of a friendship is hurtful.  I can’t say for sure why she is treating you this way.  Human behavior is difficult to explain.  However, I do have some observations. 

You ask, “Is it disrespectful to express a different opinion or to disagree with a Bible teacher?”  The answer is no.  It is quite normal for Christians to have differing views because no two people think exactly alike.  In any disagreement, one must ask, “What does the Bible say about it?”  If the Bible does not say anything about a topic, then it falls into the category of opinion.  The Bible in Romans chapter 14 refers to these as “disputable matters” (NIV) or “doubtful things” (NKJV).  Does the Bible address a Christian’s involvement in politics and government?  No, not specifically, so both sides of the issue may have valid points.  The Bible does say that we are citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20) and we are to be separate from the world (2 Corinthians 6:17), so the teacher is right about that.  However, that does not mean that Christians are to deny, ignore, or renounce their earthly citizenship and the rights and privileges that come with it.  After the apostle Paul became a Christian, he did not renounce his earthly citizenship and the rights afforded to him by that citizenship (Acts 22:22-29, Acts 25:1-12).  Christians during the First Century did not live in a democratic society that gave them a voice in their government, but if they had, Paul likely would have used his citizenship right and privilege to vote in elections.  However, that teacher does not see it that way, and the Bible doesn’t specifically address the issue.  If she believes that it is a sin for Christians to vote, for her it is a sin (Romans 14:23).   

You ask, “How can a mature, devout, godly Christian with superior Bible knowledge just cut off another Christian for seeing things differently?”  Having superior Bible knowledge is not an indication that a person is a mature, devout, godly Christian.  Spiritual maturity is evident in how a person behaves.  The spiritually mature Christian will demonstrate the qualities found in Galatians 5:22-23, Ephesians 4:25-32, 2 Peter 1:5-9, and many other scriptures.  When faced with a differing opinion during a Bible class, a mature Christian would say something like, “That’s an interesting point and we can talk about that some more after class.”  Unfortunately, public disagreements are one of the problems that can result with open discussion Bible classes.  Ideally, a Bible class teacher should stick to what the Bible actually does say without going beyond what is written. 

You ask, “Why did she just cut off communication with me instead of discussing it with me?”  Discussing it with you would have been the appropriate response for a spiritually mature Christian, but apparently she has not developed to that point yet.  Evidently, she is an insecure person who has an emotional need to be held in esteem and recognized as a “devout Christian” and a “godly woman” with “superior Bible knowledge.”  Consequently, she views any disagreement as a blow against the image that she tries so hard to maintain.  You are not the first person she has cut out of her life.  She has done this to multiple people as evidenced by her statement, “That’s what they all say.”  By blocking you, she made it clear that she will not accept any further communication from you, so the best thing to do at this point is to pray for her. 

God bless,

Aunt Dara