My husband and I separated for a few months earlier this year. During this time we both had sexual relations with other people. We reconciled and moved back in with each other. Recently, he told me that one of the women he had been involved with was pregnant with his child. I want to stay with him because we forgave each other for the things that occurred during that time. However, I am not sure if the child was conceived during the time that we were separated or after he had moved back in and we were supposed to be working on things. I already had a hard time trusting him, but now I'm finding it’s even harder to trust him and I don't know why. I love my husband and I do not want to leave, but I'm scared and confused. Is there any advice you can give me on trying to forgive him for what has happened?
Thank you,
Deeply Confused
Dear Deeply Confused,
I have read your letter several times and pondered how to respond in a positive, helpful way. I don't want to say anything to make a bad situation worse. Unfortunately, you are dealing with the consequences of sin that cannot be erased or corrected. It's going to be very difficult for you to trust your husband again. Unfortunately, though you are attempting to salvage your marriage, he has just as much reason to distrust you as you have to distrust him. Both of you broke your wedding vows. Forgivable—yes. Easy to forgive—no. Forgiveness is not something that just happens in a moment and things magically return to how they were before. In your case, things will never be the same as they were before. Forgiveness is a process. It is a decision that you make every day to let go of hurt and resentment for that day. Eventually, the pain will subside, but in your case there will always be reminders due to the other woman and the child she has conceived. Both you and your husband have a lot of problems to work through, and it's not going to be simple. However, both of you need to seek God's forgiveness for your sins and then seek His assistance to repair the damage to your marriage.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
I have read your letter several times and pondered how to respond in a positive, helpful way. I don't want to say anything to make a bad situation worse. Unfortunately, you are dealing with the consequences of sin that cannot be erased or corrected. It's going to be very difficult for you to trust your husband again. Unfortunately, though you are attempting to salvage your marriage, he has just as much reason to distrust you as you have to distrust him. Both of you broke your wedding vows. Forgivable—yes. Easy to forgive—no. Forgiveness is not something that just happens in a moment and things magically return to how they were before. In your case, things will never be the same as they were before. Forgiveness is a process. It is a decision that you make every day to let go of hurt and resentment for that day. Eventually, the pain will subside, but in your case there will always be reminders due to the other woman and the child she has conceived. Both you and your husband have a lot of problems to work through, and it's not going to be simple. However, both of you need to seek God's forgiveness for your sins and then seek His assistance to repair the damage to your marriage.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
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