Ex-Husband Neglects His Children

Dear Aunt Dara,

Two years ago, my husband told me that he was in love with another woman and he moved out, leaving me and our three children (two boys, who are now age 13 and 11, and a girl who is now 6 years old).  My ex is now married to the other woman and has legally adopted her 12-yr-old son.  He says he is happy with this new family and he seems to spend a lot of time with his newly adopted son.  However, he totally neglects his own children.  He doesn’t call the children, not even on their birthdays!  He rarely visits them, and when he does he acts like it’s a chore that he has to get out of the way so I’ll get off his back.  At Christmas he stopped by briefly to drop off a small gift for each child, but wouldn’t come in the house.  Our little girl was heartbroken and she cried all evening, but the boys just got mad.  The boys say they hate their father and they don’t want anything to do with him anymore, but our daughter still cries every night and asks why her daddy doesn’t love her anymore.  What can I say to my little girl when she cries for her daddy, and how can I get my sons to not hate their father?  How can a man be happy with another man’s child and not want to spend time with his own children?   

Puzzled and Angry at Ex-Husband

Dear Puzzled and Angry,

Not being familiar with the situation except for the clues in your letter, I don’t feel comfortable speculating about your ex-husband’s possible motives or how he could be happy with someone else’s child while neglecting his own.  Honestly, I don’t know how a man can be happy with another man’s child and not want to spend time with his own children.  My gut feeling is that he is not as happy as he says he is, and that he is struggling with guilt at having left his family. 

Here are my suggestions on possible ways to manage the situation while minimizing the pain that you and your children are experiencing.  First of all, you indicated that you think that your ex-husband views time spent with the children as a chore, and it will get you “off his back.”  That tells me that you have repeatedly asked him to spend more time with the children.  If so, then he may think that you are nagging him and he may feel pressured and resentful.  I suggest that you not say anything else to him about calling or visiting the children.  I also suggest that you not say anything negative to him or about him, especially in front of your children.  Your children should hear you say only positive things about their father. 

You also said that you and your sons are angry.  You are the example that your children see.  Anger is the natural response when your sons see that you are angry.  (Please refer to my posting on Sept. 10, 2011 on how to let go of anger.)  When your boys say that they hate their father and they don’t want to have anything to do with him, let them know that you understand how they feel, but avoid saying anything negative about their father.  Furthermore, don’t tell your sons that they shouldn’t feel the way they do about their father.  Instead, just let your sons vent, listening actively and affirming their feelings.  Then follow this conversation with a prayer for God to fill your hearts with love and forgiveness and pray that God will bless their father.  As you work to get over your anger, so too will they.

Your daughter needs to be assured that her father does love her, and that he loves her very much.  Also assure her that his not being with the family is not her fault.  (This is also a good time to assure her that God loves her very much and God is always with her.)  When she cries for her father, encourage her to name something that she likes about him and to share the good memories that she has of him.  Write a list of the things that she identifies.  Ask her to identify ways that she can share some of the things on the list with her daddy.  Perhaps she could make up a song about him, a story about him, write him a letter, draw a picture, send a card, etc.  Let her call him and talk to him, without your saying anything to him.  Make sure your sons know what your daughter is doing, and let them know that it is okay for them to express their thoughts also, when they are ready.

Finally, I am so sorry that your family is suffering such heartache and grief.  Please know that I am praying for you and your children. 

God Bless,

Aunt Dara

Mother Violates Privacy

Dear Aunt Dara,

When I was in the hospital for four days in October, I gave a copy of my house key to my mother so she could feed my cat and change the litter box.  When I returned home, I thought that it might be a good idea for her to keep the key in case there is an emergency.  However, whenever she comes over she has been using the key to let herself inside.  I have told her that I don’t like for her to let herself in and that the key is to be used only for emergencies, but she hasn’t stopped letting herself in.  Yesterday she let herself in while I was in the shower, and it nearly scared me to death when I realized someone was in my house and I was in the shower!  When I told her that the key was just for emergencies, she said she thought it was an emergency because I didn’t answer the door.  Had I been expecting company, I would not have been in the shower, but she never calls before she comes over.  I don’t know how to get her to stop coming in on me like that without hurting her feelings.  My friend suggested that I tell her to give the key back and change the lock if she doesn’t.  I don’t want to do that because I think it would be disrespectful.  What should I do?

No Privacy in Montana

Dear No Privacy,

You should pray that God will guide you in doing the right thing, then give this situation some prayerful thought.  Have you had any past experiences with your mother that were similar to this one?  If so, how did you resolve them?  Based on your letter, it appears that you have tried to set a boundary with her regarding the use of the key.  Have you given her specific examples of what may constitute an emergency?  Does she know how many minutes to give you to answer the door before she comes in?  Does she know that you would appreciate a call from her before she comes over so that you will be expecting her?  Make sure that she understands all these things, and you should be very specific about your wishes.

If you have explained all these things to her and she still has not changed her behavior, that’s another issue.  Does your mother typically understand your feelings and honor your wishes?  Does she understand how much her behavior bothers you?  Does she understand how frightened you were when she came into your home when you were in the shower?  Try to explain to her how this affects you by saying something similar to this: “Mom, I really appreciate your looking out for me and being concerned about me.  I felt scared to death, though, when you let yourself in while I was in the shower because I thought an intruder was in the house.  I would like for you to call me before you come over so that never happens again.”  (This is an example of assertive communication, and it is not disrespectful to use assertive communication with a parent.)  If your mother continues to disregard your wishes and continues to use the key inappropriately, you have the right to tell her to return the key.  However, I do not recommend that you change the lock if she refuses to give the key back.  Changing the lock would be harmful to the relationship because it would be passive-aggressive, contrary to the love of Christ, and would show dishonor to your parent.

God bless,

Aunt Dara 

Girlfriend Has Wandering Eye

Dear Aunt Dara,

I have been with a girl several months now, and she is very special to me.  We only see each other on weekends, and my problem is her wandering eye.  She feels a need to comment on the attractiveness of celebrities, talking about how cute they are, how great their bodies are, etc.  Anyway, this makes me very uncomfortable to say the least.  She says that it is no big deal because “she doesn’t have a shot with them” and they’re not regular people.  It’s probably my low self-esteem or something, but do you think this is okay?

Insecure in Louisville

Dear Insecure in Louisville,

It’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable when your girlfriend makes these comments.  Not many “regular” people can measure up to the ones that we see in movies, television, music videos, and magazines.  It seems that you have tried to address this with her, but she does not appear to understand why her comments bother you.  She seems to be trying to reassure you that you need not feel threatened by her comments.  However, does she know that her comments make you feel insecure?  If she understands that you feel uncomfortable, insecure, or whatever else (perhaps hurt or inadequate), she may be able to recognize that her comments are a big deal to you and she might stop saying such things about other guys. 

My guess is that you would like to have her assurance that she finds you attractive.  Few things attract a girl more than a guy who cares about her and treats her well.  So, what can you do to be more attractive to her?  Show her that you care.  Keep doing the things that you are doing to show her that she is very special to you.  Tell her how attractive you think she is, and she might return your compliments.  Remember, those celebrities are just images on paper or a flickering screen.  You are the living, breathing person in front of her.  She can hear your voice and touch you.  No picture can compete with that.

If I may, I’d like to say something regarding your low self-esteem, which you recognize may be contributing to your feeling uncomfortable with these comments.  The Apostle Paul said that we should not regard anyone from a worldly point of view (II Corinthians 5:16).  That includes ourselves.  From a worldly point of view, we see our faults and our inadequacies, and then we tend to feel bad about ourselves.  However, our worth is not determined by our physical appearance, our age, our gender, our race, our intelligence, our education, our socioeconomic status, or our behavior.  From God’s point of view, our worth comes from being a part of the human race, made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27) and declared “very good” by our Creator (Genesis 1:31).  Psalm 8 tells us how God feels about His human creation, and Psalm 139:1-18 tells us how God values us individually.  We have been wonderfully made and God knew us before we were born.  He fashioned us into how He wanted us to be (Isaiah 64:8) and His works are marvelous.  You are so valuable to God that Jesus died for you (John 3:16, Galatians 2:20), and God sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at you (II Corinthians 5:21).  God has adopted you as His son through Christ (Ephesians 1:5), and God loves His children more than anyone will ever be able to comprehend.  Every human life is valuable.  That includes you.

God bless,

Aunt Dara 

Is it Too Soon to Remarry?

After 27 years of marriage, my husband passed away unexpectedly in January when he had a heart attack at work.  Three months ago I started dating Ronnie, my high school sweetheart, whose wife passed away two years ago.  Although I loved my husband very much, Ronnie and I are in love and we believe that God has blessed us by bringing us together again.  We plan on being married at the end of November.  We have reserved the church and we have been participating in premarital counseling with my pastor.  Our parents and our five adult children (three are mine, two are Ronnie’s) approve of our relationship and are happy about the marriage.  My daughter is excited about the wedding and is helping with the arrangements, and my mother has been sewing the bridesmaids’ dresses.  However, my brother refuses to accept Ronnie and he says he will not be attending the wedding.  My brother and I have always been close, and I am hurt that he refuses to acknowledge my fiancé and will not participate in celebrating our marriage.  He thinks I should still be grieving.  As far as I know, the Bible doesn’t say anything about how long the mourning period should be, does it?  He says if I had truly loved my husband I would not even consider being with anyone else this soon after his death.  I do still grieve for my husband, but Ronnie has helped me to understand that God wants us to find comfort in our loss and hope for our future.  Furthermore, my brother said that getting married less than a year after my husband’s death is unacceptable and he believes I am making a huge mistake.  When I ask him why he thinks I am making a mistake, he just keeps repeating, “It’s too soon.”  Our mother has tried to talk to him, but he just won’t listen.  How do I get him to change his mind and be happy for me?  

The Widow Bride 

Dear Bride,

I am glad that you are finding comfort in your loss and I wish you and Ronnie a long and happy life together.  It’s regrettable that your brother currently does not wish you the same.  Family relationships can be very complicated.  Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers, but I can offer some suggestions.  You are correct in that the Bible does not say how long the mourning period should be.  Each culture, social system, and religion has its own customs and rituals regarding how long the mourning period should last and which behaviors are acceptable during mourning.  Furthermore, these customs tend to evolve over time.   When a time period is mentioned in scripture, it tends to be short and related to the cultural customs involved at the time.  For example, Genesis 50:1-14 tells us that the Egyptians mourned Jacob’s death for 70 days.  Afterward, Joseph took Jacob’s body to the land of Canaan where they mourned an additional seven days before burial.  The mourning period for ancient Israel appeared to be 30 days, as was the case for Aaron (Numbers 20: 29) and Moses (Deuteronomy 34:8).  It would appear that these were official periods of mourning.  Individual mourning is personal and unique.  Each person grieves in their own way in their own time, and there is no set time.  Genesis 37:34 simply says that Jacob, when he believed that his son Joseph was dead, mourned “many days.”  Ephraim also mourned his sons “many days” (I Chronicles 7:22).  The Bible does not tell us how long these fathers mourned, nor should anyone determine for you how long you should mourn. 

It would appear that your brother believes that you have violated your culture’s norms.  It would also appear that the rest of your family and your pastor do not think that you have violated your culture’s norms, or if you have, it is irrelevant.  Since your mother has already attempted to persuade your brother to accept your upcoming marriage, perhaps your pastor might be willing to speak to him.  However, you should try to understand your brother’s point of view.  His objection may go beyond his concern about violating cultural norms.  There could be a many reasons why your brother objects to the marriage beyond his belief that it’s too soon.  If your brother had a close relationship with your husband, your brother may still be grieving the loss of his brother-in-law or having difficulty accepting Ronnie as a “replacement.”  Also, since Ronnie was your high school sweetheart, your brother probably knew him then.  How did they get along back then?  Your brother may share his concerns with you if he believes you will be receptive.  However, your brother will be less likely to be open with you if he feels as if he is being pressured.  Instead of trying to persuade him to change his mind, it would be best to acknowledge his concern and let him know that you value and respect his opinion, whatever that may be.  Regardless, this is your decision to make and you should do what you believe God would have you to do.  In time, perhaps your brother might accept your new marriage. 

God bless,

Aunt Dara

How to Let Go of Anger

Dear Aunt Dara,

I am a married woman who has been singing in a gospel trio for two years.  Five months ago someone started a rumor that I was sleeping with “Paul,” the man who sings with us.  The accusation was untrue, but it spread like wildfire through our church and all the other churches where we sing.  When I investigated where the rumor started, three people told me that they heard it from “Julie.”  They said they had no reason to question its truth because Julie was my best friend.  I went directly to Julie, and she admitted that she had started the rumor.  However, she did not apologize or admit that she did anything wrong.  She justified her actions by saying that she honestly believed that I was sleeping with Paul and she was trying to “help us with our problem” by asking people to pray for us.  Furthermore, Julie gave me the impression that she still believes that I was sleeping with him.  I know that many people still believe the rumor is true, even though both Paul and I deny it.  Meanwhile, the damage is done and I am hurt and crushed beyond words.  Most of our singing events have been cancelled, and the alto says we should just call it quits.  I am still very angry that my friend did so much damage to my reputation and our trio is probably going to break up as a result.  I’m just thankful that my husband is supportive and knows the rumor isn’t true.  Anyway, people tell me that I need to forgive her and restore our friendship to what it once was.  I feel as if I have forgiven her.  I have been praying for her, I don’t wish her any harm, and I am able to be civil when I talk to her even though I am still very angry.  However, I have no desire or intention to restore our friendship.  Her actions ended our friendship and I no longer trust her.  They tell me that my refusal to restore our friendship and my continued anger are evidence that I have not forgiven her.  What do you think?  Does forgiveness mean that I have to restore the relationship to what it was before, and how can that be possible if Julie has no regret for what she did and I no longer trust her?  How do I let go of the anger?  Please help.  I pray about this many times a day and I really want to do the right thing.

Still Angry and Hurting 

Dear Angry and Hurting,

I commend you for how you have handled the situation so far.  A lot of people in the same situation would have left the church and given up on following the Lord.  It’s good that your husband is supportive, because something such as this could have ended your marriage.  You did the right thing by going directly to Julie to address the issue.  You have completed the first step according to Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18: 15-17.  Regrettably, Julie doesn’t seem to have had a change of heart.  If you follow through with the next steps, perhaps the rumor will have less credibility and fewer people will believe it.  The next step would be for you speak with Julie again with others present, preferably your husband and Paul.  Make sure that all of you pray diligently before talking to Julie, and then speak to her with an attitude of love and gentleness, not with anger or defensiveness.  The goal is Julie’s repentance and restoration (Galatians 6:1).  If that is unsuccessful, Matthew 18 tells you what the next step should be.

As for your anger, nobody likes to be falsely accused.  To feel hurt, angry, and distrustful is only natural, considering the circumstances.  However, anger is caustic and will damage you physically, mentally, and spiritually if you hold onto it.  To help you to release the anger, I offer what I shall call, “Anger Management for Christians.”  Follow each step exactly as written, in the order given.  Do not skip any steps, and do not tell anyone what you are doing.

Step 1: Stop talking about it.  Often this first step is the hardest because it is human nature to want our thoughts and feelings to be validated.  We want people to listen to our story and to understand our pain.  We want to hear someone say, “I know you are hurting and you didn’t deserve to be hurt.”  However, for anything to remain alive, you have to feed it.  If you stop feeding the anger, it will die.  Since talking about what happened refreshes your memory of the event and the associated emotions, you are feeding the anger each time you talk about it.  A vicious cycle then develops.  The more you talk about it, the more you think about it, and the more you think about it, the more you talk about it.  The first step in breaking this cycle is to stop talking about it. 

Step 2: Write about it.  Since you have stopped talking about it, most likely you will feel a strong desire to “get it out.”  Write a letter to the person who wronged you.  Be very honest, open, and specific about what they did that hurt you and how it has affected you.  Do not hold anything back.  Especially, do not judge any of your thoughts or feelings by thinking, “A Christian shouldn’t feel that way or say those things.”  Be brutally honest about your thoughts and feelings.  Because writing this letter may be very painful, you may be tempted to skip this step.  Don’t.

Step 3: Pray (1 Peter 5: 7).  Tell God that you have expressed in this letter everything that is in your heart about what happened, how it has affected you, what you think about it, how you feel about it, and how you feel about the person who hurt you.  Affirm in your prayer that you know that God fully knows and understands the thoughts of your heart and the depth of your hurt.  Affirm that you know that God cares about you and cares about your pain.  Tell God that you forgive the person who hurt you and you are releasing to Him your pain and anger.  End this prayer by thanking God for delivering you from your pain and anger.

Step 4: Destroy the letter immediately after completing the prayer in Step 3.  This letter MUST be destroyed.   Do not keep it or reread it.  Do not show this letter to anyone and DO NOT deliver it to the person who hurt you!  If you chose to not destroy the letter immediately, the possible results could be disastrous.  Destroy it completely by shredding or burning it, and then dispose of the remains.  Completely destroying and disposing of the letter is symbolic of your completely destroying and disposing of your anger.  Thereafter, whenever you remember what happened, how it affected you, what you thought about it, or how you felt about it, remember the letter and say, “It’s gone; it’s completely gone.”

Step 5: Pray for the person who hurt you (Matthew 5:44).  This prayer should have four parts.  First, thank God for enabling you to forgive the person who hurt you.  Secondly, thank God for releasing you from the pain and removing your anger.  Say this even if you still feel angry or resentful.  If you say, “But I’m still angry,” you will continue to be angry.  Simply tell God that you are thankful that He has released you from the pain and removed your anger.  DO NOT say anything else about the pain or the anger that may remain.  Next, ask God to bless that person.  Lastly, ask God to show you how you can be a blessing to this person.

Step 6: Do something good for the person who hurt you (Matthew 5:44).  This step if vital!  You must demonstrate Christ’s love by doing something to bless the person who hurt you.  Otherwise, you will not be able to let go of the anger.  Resist the temptation to think, “But she doesn’t deserve it.”  Our place is not to determine what a person does or does not deserve.  We are to do good to others, even to those who hurt us deeply (Romans 12: 14-21).  Whatever God places on your heart to do for that person, do it.

Step 7: Repeat Steps 5 and 6 as needed until the anger is gone. 

Finally, you asked if forgiveness means that you have to restore the relationship to what it was before, and how can you restore the relationship if that person has no regret for what she did and you no longer trust her.  Forgiveness does not mean that a person must restore the relationship to what it once was.  If you follow through with the steps in Matthew 18, hopefully she will repent and you can begin to work on rebuilding your friendship, if that is what you choose to do.  If she does not repent, I see no reason why you should place yourself in a vulnerable position in which you could be hurt again. 

God bless,

Aunt Dara

Why Should We Give Money to Churches?

Dear Aunt Dara,

I read your reply to the person who asked if church attendance is necessary, and I mostly agree with what you said.  However, the reason that I seldom attend church is because they always want money.  It seems that every time the door is open they pass the offering plate.  Then the preacher or one of the deacons stands up there and says that the church needs more money.  Even the preachers on TV are always asking for money.  It just makes me sick!  When was the last time that you heard of a church having to close its doors because they did not have enough money to pay the bills?  Why should I give more money to the church just so the preacher’s kid can go on a so-called mission trip to India?  Furthermore, most of the TV preachers live in mansions, drive nice cars, and live a life of luxury.  Why should I give them money just so they can continue their lavish lifestyle?  At least I can turn the TV off when they start asking for money, and if I don’t go to church I don’t have to worry about being hassled about not tithing.

Fed up with their greed

Dear Fed Up,

I may be wrong, but you sound somewhat disgusted and a little angry.  Nobody likes to feel pressured, and it appears that you feel as if you are being pressured to give money when you don’t want to.  The Bible has much to say about giving, so much so that it would not be possible to reference all that is recorded.  Therefore, I will try to address some of the reasons that a Christian should give.

When we look at the issue of giving, I think it would be helpful to look at the ultimate example of giving—God Himself.  James tells us that God is a liberal giver (James 1: 5) and that every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James 1: 17).  What blessings have you received from God?  Do you appreciate the things that God has given you?  How much do you appreciate His gifts?  When we give to the Lord’s church, we are giving to God Himself and expressing our gratitude for His blessings. 

Love gives.  When we love someone, we do not begrudge the things that we give them.  For example, we don’t grumble and complain about having to give food to our children (Luke 11: 11-13).  God gives blessings to us because He loves us.  Because God loves us, He has given us far more than we could ever give back (John 3:16).  Do you love God?  Do you truly, deeply love Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength?  Do you love God enough to give back to Him—through service, worship, obedience, and yes, even monetarily? 

Though our primary motivations to give should be our appreciation for God’s blessings and our love for Him, we also should give to God to please Him and to be obedient to His wishes.  Jacob made a vow to give God 10 percent (Gen. 28: 18-22).  Later, God instructed His people to give 10 percent to Him, and when they did not Malachi 3: 8-10 says that they were robbing God.  The Apostle Paul expressed his wishes that Christians grow in the grace of giving (II Cor. 8: 1-7).

Finally, we will be blessed when we give and we will receive much more in return (Acts 20:35, Luke 6:38, Prov. 11: 24-25), though not necessarily financially and not necessarily immediately.  When we give back to God by giving generously to others, we will have treasures in heaven and we will find a level of spiritual joy that cannot be experienced by those who do not give. 

When we disagree with how the money is being used, we should not withhold from God.  What happens to the money after we give is not within our control.  The churches, televangelists, and other ministries who receive our funds are using them the best way they know how, according to what they believe is God’s will.  They pray regularly for God’s guidance and wisdom in using His money to accomplish His work.  We need to trust that they are following God’s leading, and we should not judge or condemn them when we question their decisions.  Instead, we should pray that God gives them wisdom and guidance in using the funds according to His will. 

God bless,

Aunt Dara

Is Church Attendance Necessary?

Dear Aunt Dara,

Two months ago I gave my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  I have been praying and reading the Bible every day since becoming a Christian, but some of my friends tell me that I need to start going to church.  I don’t believe that a person has to go to church in order to be a Christian.  Besides, there are too many hypocrites in the church and churches are full of cliques.  What do you think?  Is church attendance necessary?

Independent Christian

Dear Independent Christian,

Congratulations on your decision to follow Christ.  I know that heaven is rejoicing because of your decision.  I commend you for your making daily prayer and Bible study a priority in your life.  Prayer is the breath of a Christian and the word of God is life.  Both are necessary for a Christian to remain alive in Christ and to grow in grace and wisdom. 

Regarding your question on church attendance, David, King of Israel, said that he was glad to go into the house of the Lord (Psalm 122:1), so he must have seen a benefit in worshiping God in an assembly of believers.  So, rather than determining if church attendance is necessary, I wish to explore with you the possible benefits of church membership and the possible benefits of attending the Bible studies and worship services offered by the church.  Since I will be referring to several scriptures and quoting few of them, I encourage you to have your Bible handy so you can read these verses.

First of all, we know from Matthew 18:20 that Jesus is present whenever Christians come together.  Therefore, when you attend a church service, you are in the presence of the Lord.  Who wouldn’t want to be in the Lord’s presence?  Why would anyone want to miss out on being in the presence of Jesus because hypocrites may be there too?  Peter, James, John, and the other disciples remained in the presence of Jesus even though Judas Iscariot was there.  They didn’t allow Judas’ presence to hinder their relationship with the Lord Jesus.  Why should we?

Secondly, one of the main reasons to gather together with the church is to collectively worship God.  True, we can worship God alone, but the New Testament is full of examples and references to the public worship of Christians.  There are too many to list, but please refer to Acts 2:42-47, Acts 20: 7, Ephesians 5:19 and Colossians 3:16.

Another benefit of church membership and attendance is the assistance and fellowship that is only available through regular association with other believers.  One of the first things that God said after He created humans is that it is not good to be alone (Genesis. 2: 18).  We need each other because we are fallible human beings who draw upon the strength and encouragement of other Christians (Hebrews. 1: 13, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, II Corinthians. 13:11, I Thessalonians. 5:11).  So important is fellowship with other Christians that the concept of “independent Christianity” is foreign to scripture and contrary to the example set by the First Century church.

An additional benefit of church membership and attendance is the opportunity to learn and grow in faith and to be accountable to one another for maintaining sound doctrine and achieving Christian maturity (Rom. 15:14, Tit. 2: 3-4, II Tim. 3:16, Acts 20:28, Heb. 13:17).

Next, church membership and attendance is beneficial for providing us more opportunities to evangelize the lost and to serve others (Acts 6: 1-7, Galatians 5:13, John 13: 14).  Nearly every church has organized programs that minister to the community and support missions. 

Finally, we should desire to maintain regular attendance at church services because doing so is pleasing to God.  Hebrews 10: 24-25 says, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” 

If you still doubt the importance of the assembly of Christians and its priority to God, read the entire book of Acts.  However, with all the benefits of church attendance and membership, why would anyone want to miss out on the blessings?

God bless,

Aunt Dara