I sometimes attend a
small study group led by a woman I considered incredibly devout and spiritual. She organizes the groups about once a year. They meet regularly for a few months and then
have a break until the next year. Though
I care about this woman, I'm having some trouble with her methods of ministry. It seems as if she wants me to fall into some
sort of sin so that she can save me through her spiritual counseling. She will turn whatever I say into a way of
making me seem unholy and lacking. If I
say, "I was worried about my dishwasher smoking yesterday," it
becomes a lecture on how it's sinful to worry. It is difficult to even make small talk with
her without her turning it into some way I'm failing. After I spend time with her, I feel awful,
hopeless, and condemned. I feel
overwhelmed and overburdened, as if I can never live up to the legalistic
standards required of me, so I stop reading the Bible and my prayer life
suffers. I just shut God out. I realized
in the middle of a group session that I have been associating this woman's legalism
with God's character. It’s like my eyes
have been opened. This kind of hopeless
condemnation is not from God. I am
really doing the absolute best I can to live a life without sin. I put God first. I'm totally open to a loving correction if
someone sees actual sin in my life, but I don't feel that's her goal. I have searched myself and I don't believe I
have unresolved sin in my life at this moment. Of course, I fail at times with my attitude or
with grumbling, but according to the scriptures, His mercies are new every
morning!
I have decided that I will not sign up for the next round of this
group, but I can't decide if I should quit this round. Spending time with her has created a huge
barrier in my heart and mind towards God in the past, so I would prefer to stop
attending now. I don't think she would
be at all receptive to me speaking with her about it, and I don't even know how
to explain what she does. It's all so
subtle. I am not eloquent in speaking
and I get easily flustered. On the other
hand, it's possible that I won't get so worked up about it now that I've
realized that this heavy burden isn't from God, but a sad tool of the enemy
which she's unconsciously wielding. Do
you have any wise counsel for me about how to tackle this entire thing? Thanks!
Garden Momma
Dear Garden Momma,
I am glad that you have decided to not join the next set of
group sessions because this does not sound like a spiritually healthy
environment. In the meantime, what
obligation do you have to continue to attend something that is so harmful to
you spiritually and puts your spiritual health in jeopardy? None that I can see. You are free to stop attending these group
sessions immediately. You do not have to
speak to her about it, nor do you have to offer any excuses or reasons for not
continuing. Just stop attending. If anyone asks you about it, just say, “It’s
not working out for me to attend the group at this time.” That is 100% the truth, and no explanation as
for why it’s not working out is required.
If anyone asks you why it’s not working out, just say that your reasons
are personal. Ignore any attempts to get
you to disclose your personal reasons.
Just keep repeating that the reasons are personal.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
