My husband and I are a
newlywed couple having trouble with our landlord. We go to the same church as the landlord and
his family and he seemed like a friend to my husband because they used to work
together. We moved into his rental house
in June right after our marriage. When I
moved in I completely understood that this house was a fixer-upper. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal because I
was growing up my father would do the occasional fix-up on our house and it
never interfered with our everyday lives. In other words, we never had to move out in
order for our house to be finished. I
have never seen anyone work on our house like our landlord does. He takes way too much time to finish something
that should only last a day, and then takes weeks or months before coming back
and working on something else. He's also
always been trying to pick on my husband for certain things. For instance, my husband mowed the lawn and it
wasn’t to the liking of any of our neighbors or the landlord. The landlord called my husband and chewed him
out so loudly that it sounded to me like the landlord was in the room with us. My husband confronted him because we thought
he owed us an apology because there was no reason for him to come unglued like
that. The landlord yelled at him again
saying, "IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN APOLOGY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ONE!" After insulting the way my husband does the
lawn while he was mowing it, he went on to complain about his wife and daughter,
calling them horrible names. He only
does this around my husband. He acts
like the perfect example of a Christian man around me.
I've wanted to
confront him for months about his treatment of us because now he's resorted to
lying to us about when he's going to work on the house. They've had some medical problems come up with
their daughter, and I fully accept that he won’t do anything to the house until
after the new year (no matter how many times he lies and tells us that he will
get to it soon). However, I want a
schedule and absolutely NO LYING about when he's coming over. I have no idea how I'm going to do this, but
something has to be done. I'm better at
writing things than I am about saying them, because when I try to say them, I
get nervous and start crying and then you can’t understand what I'm saying.
This all seemed to
start when my husband and I made enough money to get ahead on our rent (which I
think is way too high considering the state he's left the house in) and my
husband smiled and joked and said, "I don’t owe you for 9 weeks," which
is a good thing, but our landlord seemed to take it as an insult. Now my husband rarely goes and talks to him. If he has to talk to our landlord about
anything at all, I go with him since the landlord acts so nice and Christian
around me. I now realize that hindsight
is 20/20 and I should never have moved into a house that still had work to be
done on it. My husband has asked the
landlord if he can help him, but our landlord flat out says no. He yells at his wife for doing everything
wrong when she tries to help him with his work, so I assume that he doesn’t
think my husband would do anything right either. Right now, we cannot afford to move out
because we have had some medical expenses come up, on top of an unexpected car
repair recently. I think my husband and
I are between a rock and a hard place right now. Should we just grin and bear it or is there
anything we can do to make our relationship with our landlord more bearable?
Frustrated Renter
Dear Frustrated Renter,
I realize that this is a constant source of stress for you
and your husband, and it's unfortunate that you are starting out your first
year of marriage with this situation. I
am at a loss for explaining your landlord’s behavior toward your husband. I realize that you are having difficulty
living in a home that is in disrepair and you are not seeing things fixed in a
timely manner. However, I would not
recommend that your husband do any of the work on the house because the
landlord has specifically told him not to.
Also, you are unlikely to be given a schedule of when the landlord will
do the work because you do not own the house.
The landlord does, and he doesn’t answer to you. As the owner of the house, the landlord has
full control over any repair or remodeling that needs to be done. That includes making decisions about what
work will be completed, when to do it, and how long to take doing it. He could choose to do nothing! If he feels that he is being pressured to
complete the work, he might take even longer doing the work and not show up on
the days he has promised to be there. Therefore,
I do not recommend any confrontations, written or otherwise, from you or your
husband, but I do have three recommendations for you that should help to make
the situation more bearable.
My first recommendation is that you plan to move as soon as
you can. Did you and your husband sign a
lease? If so, you are obligated to
remain in the house until the lease expires.
If not, you can move whenever you are able to afford it. I don’t recommend making any more advance
payments on your rent. If you have extra
money, set it aside in a bank account to use for your future moving
expenses.
Secondly, find a way to accept living in this house until
you are able to move. You have been
living in it since June, so it must be in livable condition (to a degree). How does the current condition of the house
affect your everyday life? How does
living in the house affect your husband?
How does it affect your relationship with your husband? What adjustments have you been making to be
able to stay in the house for the past few months? Then, keep telling yourself that you can
tolerate anything as long as it’s temporary (II Corinthians 4:17-18). However, anything that might be a safety
risk, such as a missing stair banister, should be repaired as soon as possible. So, ask the landlord (nicely) to fix that
first whenever he has the time.
Lastly, find a way to love and forgive your landlord. If you don’t, your feelings toward your
landlord will interfere with your ability to worship (Matthew 5:23-24) and will
harm your relationship with God (I John 4:20-21). Don’t focus on your landlord’s faults or be
judgmental. Instead, pray that God will
bless your landlord and then find something good to do for his family. When you speak to your landlord, avoid
confrontations and don’t bring up the work that still needs to be done on the
house (Ephesians 4:31-32, Proverbs 15:1, and Romans 12:18). And when you pray, remember to thank God that
you have a house to live in. Many people
in the world do not.
God bless,
Aunt Dara
